The ideal is to be without ego, or so I thought.
My fallacy was a semantic one.
"Ego" is basically the psychological term for "soul."

I'm alive
and the world is valid
because it is made up of 20 billion eyeballs
and still manages to be one world.

I can face the day,
but I need to laugh more.

"Are you a pessimist Marshall?"
"I'm just another set of eyeballs dear sir."

I'm starting a weekly show up at Barley Island soon. It's going to be every Wednesday, and it's going to be all out balls to the wall incredible (hopefully). I also have a show at Doc's in Muncie on next Tuesday for which I made this:

( my soul (better and better and better) )

I've been almost completely lost in thought for the past month or so, so much that I haven't been able to bring myself to write very much. I've been working on the movie with Ferguson, making score for it, writing it, brainstorming about it, poring over family movies. We're doing a serious film (gasp). The idea behind the whole thing is this: Trash Happy is written as an argument against relationships, a very cynical take on the idea of saying "I'm with someone," so after failed attempt after failed attempt of me trying to write a movie about that theme without making myself out to be whiny jackass I decided to explore the flip side of the coin. Why are there relationships? Why do they seem so necessary to people, why do people put themselves through the wringer for them?
The movie is about my family from 1984 to 1993, when they were still functioning as a family. If the album says, "this whole thing is crazy," then the movie says "this is the final sane conclusion of all this nonsense." It's a circle you know? There will always be a part of me that just wants that simple comfortable "home" feeling. The movie's a celebration of all families. It's called

"Dealing With Being Born (In The Midwest)"

Friday, May 19th at 9 o'clock sharp
Barley Island, Noblesville, IN

Seriously, if you can, try to come check this out. On one hand, I need to pack the place, because it is something that is going to make money for me that I definitely need, but other than that, I want to see all the people I haven't seen for a long time. The whole things going to be a celebration, and I can guarantee that you'll appreciate all that's going to happen. There's going to be a 12x12 canvass showing the movie. The second half of the night is going to be pure drunken melee and hilarity. The first part of the night, a very needed meditation on where I came from, before I figure out where the hell I'm going. I'd very much appreciate it if you'd come see it, have a drink with me, and just have a good time. Bring people you know, call people you haven't seen for a while. The idea is hopefully that Barley Island will have be full of old friends, and to me that's a pretty charming notion for a show.

"During my most recent controlled near death experience, I got to interview William Shakespeare. We did not hit it off. He said the dialect I spoke was the ugliest English he had ever heard, "fit to split the ears of groundlings." He asked if it had a name, and I said, "Indianapolis."

Kurt Vonnegut, "God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian"

Friday, May 19th
Barley Island (downtown Noblesville off of SR 32)
9 o'clock
"Trash Happy" release party

Please come.
It will be well worth it.

( now for a brief commercial interruption )